You know I finally discovered something today. I finally realise the reason behind the age old symptom of why men want to get married as late as possible while women want to get married as early as possible. Before I go on, I understand that some people may or may not agree about what I'm about to write, some will feel general concern while some will just go "ha? now only u realise ar?" But I really want to just express myself. Anyone who condemns me for this, I shall not respond.
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Have u ever seen a t shirt with a picture that says 'game over' with the groom sad while the bride is smiling? If u havent, here it is:
I've seen men at 33 still refusing to get married while some at 26 are married already? Is it just preference?
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The 'subject' of men will be me. I love freedom. Thats it, through and through. I love the thought of having to not eat at normal times. I love to eat whatever I want wherever I want and I love to eat only when I'm hungry, even if it is 3am. That's just my nature. I love to go out and do whatever I want. Of course I'm saying all these within the confinements of God's law, that I do not want to break. You see before marriage, I can always say 'I'. I this and I that. But when it comes to being married, it is never I. A man has to change his thinking to 'we'. Men responsible enough to take a vow before God must put his family first. Plan for the family, benefit the family, and do everything with priority for the family. That feeling of being bogged down, that I am accountable to someone else, just feels very limiting. I don't know why it happens but it just does. I know its plain and simple, I'm selfish. I'm just selfish. I want to not plan ahead and go with the flow, not taking into consideration what my gf has planned for me. Is it my obligation to spend most of my time with her? Is it considered a default that any free time you have, is go be with your gf unless stated otherwise? It doesnt mean I love my gf any less or I'm not committed to her, its just that men like me prefer quality time over quantity time.
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Women on the other hand, search for security. They want to get it done so that they know their future is secure. And it is within their nature that once they get a bf, the bf is prioritised and they expect men to do the same. They feel that once the bf want to do something else other than spend time with her, it means the spark is dropping or they are drifting away. How can it be that men and women don't have the same understanding of what spending time together is? I saying this outright, a gf is not obligated to serve her bf. Its done out of love bcos she wants to and when the men dont reciprocate, they feel its unfair or it shouldnt be like that.
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I remember very clearly I negotiated with my mum after my SPM exams that I would get 72 hours free to do anything I want and that she will have no say in whatever I do. Anything, even if it means going off to Thailand or Singapore but coming back b4 the 72 hr ends. What drove me to ask her for that time? Because growing up, I always had to be accountable to my parents. They controlled me(for good reason) and made sure that I asked permission before going anywhere out of the ordinary. Once SPM was over, I felt relieved, I felt that I had the love of parents but wasnt under their control. I played and played and even decided I shouldnt waste time sleeping. However, I got too tired and eventually crashed. When I arrived in Australia, I had that same feeling again. The only thing that was gonna stop me from doing anything I want was that I had to attend classes. Other than that, I was a free man.
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Is it wrong for me to feel this way? Now that I have a gf, do I need to ask her what her plans are b4 making mine? Does it show lack of commitment if I decide to do something for myself and don't even bother asking her? Don't get me wrong, my gf gives me so much freedom but I still feel that, I have to tell her what I'm going to do or where I'm going. Am I under any morale conduct that bf have to be accountable to gf? Does this show that men are all pigs for being so selfish?
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Maybe we men are just in self denial. The moment our life gets routined, the moment we have to 'report' to someone else, that's it - You're now a grown men and you cant run from your responsibilities. The moment you get married, your responsibility changes from being a bf to a husband and a father. Personally I think theres a significant difference in being ready to be a bf and being ready to be a husband. I'm ready to be in a relationship, but I'm not ready to be in a married one. Thats just the immaturity of younger men. The moment a boy is ready to think of 'we', thats when the boy is ready to pop the question. I wonder when will I ever get that maturity in thinking. I'm so desperate for being free but yet still want to attention and love of my gf. I want to be me 1st then think of gf, while my gf prioritises me more than I do for her. Its selfish but thats just the way it is. There is no right or wrong in this matter, just tolerance and working out a balance.
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not hungry...ciaoz
